Setting Boundaries and Rejoicing in the Conflict
My wife is a fan of Henry Cloud’s Boundaries books. For those with relationship problems, Cloud’s encouragement to set healthy boundaries is a much-needed step toward freedom.
Relationship Boundaries
When someone objects to your views or demands that you change your actions to suit them, it creates conflict. If you do as they ask, it makes them happy. But it makes you unhappy. There’s always the fear that if you don’t do what they ask, they’ll leave. Fear keeps you under their control. Relationships based on fear and control are toxic. The path to freedom requires that boundaries be set.
Setting boundaries means letting them know you’re not going to be coerced or manipulated into doing things their way. It’s doing what you want and thinking what you want without allowing their expectations to control you. Even if they decide to leave. That’s the risk of setting boundaries.
When a person is accustomed to having their way and you establish a new rule (a boundary) it removes their control. When they lose control, they’ll try to get it back. It may be a verbal outburst, a threat of retaliation or physical violence. You should expect a reaction that tests the new boundary.
Cloud encourages us to “rejoice in the conflict.” The pushback is a sign that the boundary has been recognized and it’s having its intended effect. When you enforce the boundary, it changes the relationship. You’re in control instead of them.
Boundaries are needed both for individuals and society. And recently, new boundaries have been established in society that are causing conflict.
Societal Boundaries
In places where violence is found, it can usually be traced back to a boundary that’s being tested. The rioting at UC Berkely during the appearance of Milo Yiannopoulos is an example. Milo brought a message that challenged the consensus of opinion at Berkeley and he was violently opposed. The boundaries of free speech were being tested.
Politicians have talked for years about immigration reform. But no action has been taken because strict enforcement of immigration is perceived by some as being mean-spirited or racist. Politicians have danced around the issue because they fear the opinions of voters. This year, someone was elected to the White House who isn’t afraid of being labeled a racist. He’s not giving in to fear. He’s enforcing immigration laws and in doing so—establishing a new boundary. And there’s been tremendous pushback.
That’s what happens when you set boundaries.
My Boundaries
I’ve been contacted by friends who miss the “old Praying Medic.” The one who wrote about the supernatural and never discussed politics. Some of my friends aren’t interested in politics. They want me to focus exclusively on the supernatural. Some loathe our new President and don’t like seeing him cast in a positive light. Others are interested in what I have to say about him.
It’s clear that I’m not going to please everyone. When you try making everyone happy, you only make yourself miserable.
What’s a medic to do?
I’m more interested in relationships based on freedom than ones based on control. Freedom (in relationships) means allowing others to be who they are, without placing demands or expectations on them. If I allow you to place expectations on me, that puts me under your control. I can only write about the subjects you’re interested in. And when I fail to meet that expectation, you’re going to be disappointed. That arrangement doesn’t work for either of us.
Last year, I asked God for an assignment. I wanted to know His heart about politics and I determined that whatever He revealed, I’d share with you. I didn’t ask for revelation about Donald Trump. Frankly, I thought He’d speak about someone else. (That’s the risk you take when you let God speak freely.) Now it seems, I’ll be receiving more revelation about our new President.
I plan to continue writing about the supernatural. It’s my passion. I have many more books planned on healing and miracles. (Some of them are nearly complete.) But I also plan to write about politics from time to time. Because I believe it’s a subject that’s near to God’s heart.
If political discussions offend you, I’m sorry. That’s not my intent. But at this point in our relationship, I need to establish a boundary. I’m going to continue sharing what I hear God saying, even if the people I love and respect find it offensive. Even if it causes them to unfollow, unfriend or block me on social media.
It’s difficult to rejoice in that kind of conflict. No one wants to alienate their friends. But making these decisions is a part of life. And I can’t very well let my fears determine the subjects I write about.
If you decide to stop following me, I understand, and I wish you the best.
If you decide to stay, I want you to know that I appreciate your support and you have my gratitude for allowing me to live my life the way God intended.
Have decided to stay!
Thanks, Suzanne.
Me too!
Thanks, Deb.
Here am I.
Thank you!
Praying Medic, I am so thankful that you are God’s person. You are not for sale at any price. That’s what it’s going to take for all of us, ultimately. Never compromise God’s voice for anyone or anything. The inner contentment and peace is well worth the outer turmoil.
Thanks for understanding me, Joyce. You have no idea how much that blesses me.
Now that, my friend is a healthy choice. Though not always easy to make, it is necessary if you’re going to shine in the fullness of who you are created to be. Blessings!
Muchas gracias, amigo. 🙂
“What’s a medic to do?” Hahaha, great line! Change is a matter of course for our lives, let’s embrace it. We are called to do all things, not just one or two.
Yay! I love your perspective and insights. Thank you David for not yielding to fear . As I recall there have been a few others who spoke for God even when it wasn’t popular to do so ( Jeremiah for one). I always look forward to your posts. I’m not going anywhere. ???
Thanks Paula. It’s such an honor to call you my friend.
I like the new you! If the old you pops in, that’s a bonus!
Thanks, Pat.
I hear ya man! Boundaries are so important for me! I love your writing and the insights God gives you! I am staying too!! Please feel encouraged, you are making such an impact!
Thanks, Micah. I appreciate the support and I love your writing. It’s so inspiring.
Read the book(s) Boundaries years ago; found them deeply helpful. I have been enjoying seeing you branch out and grow. I love that you accepted an “unlikely to you” assignment and have given it your gusto!
Politics isn’t my strong area, so I appreciate that you help bring out highlights and reality checks ?. There’s a lot of strong feelings about our Canadian prime minister too, and we have strong ties to the US which makes what you point out even more interesting and helpful.
This general reaction and your response remind me of the words you got before? Or just after? the Syd Roth show- the enemy would like to stop the kingdom of God from manifesting through you, through kick back etc. (but you won’t let that happen) ?? yes I think this is part of that.
Thank you.
This book has meant a lot to me and in utilizing its info, I’ve found freedom, sometimes to the dismay of those wanting to maintain my captivity!!
Keep saying what God has put on your heart; it’s the only stuff worth listening to!
Agape <3
I’m sticking to you like glue.
I never doubted you for a minute. 🙂
Doesn’t this post takes us back to “judge not”? Sometimes we are shocked to discover we are Pharisees. Love all your posts Praying Medic. Keeping sharing God’s heart with us.
Love you and appreciate you. I’m all in!! Learning so much from you! God bless you PM!!
Thanks, Claudia!
I saw you on tv one night,liked what you had to say I looked you up on facebook and wanted to see more. Staying!
I completely understand and agree, being true to who we are takes a special anointing, as does writing what we are ‘Called’ to write, (political, supernatural or…….) whether others hear or refuse to hear, my friend.
I appreciate your posts on politics. I’m not terribly interested in politics but I do have some interest and I do think we need to be praying and involved, and I like that you point out areas to pray about. I can understand that people don’t want to hear about politics, especially if it is in area in which they don’t agree, but I’m glad you are posting.
I appreciate your perspective and your calm, well thought out and researched delivery. I will continue to follow you and listen to your videos even if I don’t always respond publicly on them anymore due to arguments and attacks from those who don’t agree with my perspective on Facebook. It’s become a very hostile place to socialize these days where privacy isn’t respected.
Thanks, Deborah.
I believe God has called you for revelation and prophesy. Rejoice! Lol! Many of us who have received similar insights have been too scared to write anything as we know the response we are likely to get! This is the real Christian path where we must live our faith and mean it when we say: Your Kingdom come – your Will be done! Thank you and I will continue to read for sure.
Thanks, Julie.
Been feeling this way today. Thanks for posting this. (me pushing back makes sense- boundaries- quite a concept) I needed this.
Great blog full of truth. Love your wisdom and insight. ??
Great!!! I like the New Medic too!! We need those books on Authority and Deliverance!! Can’t wait!!
Thanks, Brandon!
Would we recognize Him if He showed up.. Or spoke? You are writing and deciphering (descerning) prophetically. I read your political stuff cause i want to be updated on the truth! I’m thankful for you my brother. Keep fulfilling your destiny. Standing with you from over here ????????
Thanks. Lori.
I was going to stay anyway. Do your thang, be who God made you to be, you’re a breath a fresh air to a stifling church. You make what God is saying clear and easy to understand without adding a bunch of hyper deep churchy stuff to the message.
Thanks Ken.
Staying your ground. ❤️❤️
I have never been interested in politics before 2016. I’d vote, know most of why, then tell folks it didn’t matter anyway because the elected officials wouldn’t do anything anyway, campaign promises would be met with too much resistance from the opposers. Even when the official had the majority on his side. Praying Medic introduced me to thoughts and ideas I’ve never considered before.. dreams, visions, prophecies, what could be more God centered and supernatural than that? Besides, he spends the time in research that I don’t have the time for, and posts the closest thing to truth possible. I trust him, and those from which he chooses to share blogs. It’s a huge responsibility that he takes seriously. I’m more interested in politics than ever, and speak with others about his posts often.
Thank you, David, for obeying God, and teaching me how to listen to Him better! My worldview has been expanded, and I’m learning how to pray for my country, and the world!
Thank you, Karen.
That is the same thoughts for me. I am sharing what Daveid says with others and communicating that it is researched information.
I cannot imagine not wanting to read or hear about what God is saying to someone I trust. Having said that, sometimes I choose not to read about what is happening in the political world. I’m doing my best to protect my ‘eye gate’ and ‘ear gate’ in this life. I don’t always accomplish that, and I then suffer for it. Please know that your messages from my perspective are exactly what you say they are, words from our Father to be shared, with His love and guidance and protection.
Thanks, Jerri!
I’m chuckling to myself right now. Having read this last night, I was surprised this morning when reviewing my own blog I found a post of mine about how I was learning how “un-political” Jesus is in his love. I feel like your prophetic incites reveal that aspect to a T…That He is very interested in politics, but also extends love in a way that we don’t always grasp. I pray your revelations only increases in knowledge and wisdom, as I think it is a needed facet of christianity that God is going to bring to maturity in the church.
Thanks, bro.
I love the old PM as well as the new ……so…..you’re stuck with me PM.
I look forward to all of your new books coming out. To hear God speak through you, well……it’s magnificent.
Thank you PM you are a blessing to each of us.
Thanks, Sharon.
Many choose to stay willfully ignorant to what is going on around them and don’t like their “truths” to be challenged. It’s time, overdue, for people to start waking up and I appreciate a voice willing to speak what God has on His heart to his children. Just recently, people have been posting prophetic things about the Super Bowl and I asked about the masonic pyramid logos on the Patriots’ playing field, but apparently Christians aren’t trying to go there. Stay true, be who God made you to be and look forward to more from you P.M. God bless!
Not going anywhere! Rick Joyner (and I’m sure among others) caught lots of flack when the Lord began to call him to speak and be involved in politics/government. It’s a test, not everyone is called to it, but far be it from us to judge the Lord’s servants as Paul wrote. Hey, nice meeting you in Home Depot the other day 😉 Hope to see you soon at Gilbert Healing Rooms!
Thanks Ashley!
I enjoy hearing your opinions whatever the subject matter! I find you research out each subject thoroughly before you opine. TK
Thanks, Tim!
Praying Medic ,
May I be so bold as to say, its time for a New Name, something in lines of ‘The Praying Journalist ‘ .You asked for a new assignment, however, I say, Your were being prepared , polished , raised up for this new platform , Hello It’s Your ‘Crazy Political Adventure ‘
I see clearly in my spirit a strong bold journalistic calling for you, God is transforming the Media!! Revealing , Realigning ! He has been polishing you for a time such as this ‘New’ Spirit Filled News Team You are a transformer a catalyst of truth . I’m Respect your boundaries !!
Go Do your assignment with ‘super’ gusto and Shine! I have nothing but amazement how Gracefully you change gears , set your boundaries and Glorify God, and Country , As forMe ,I would not miss this for the ‘world’!! Praying for you !! Kindly,KK
You’re just awesome KK. Love you!
God bless you, Praying Medic, for talking about this issue of boundaries. I was once afraid of setting boundaries and someone used it to their advantage and forced me into doing things in the Name of God. This person would belittle me consistently and try to enforce their ideas on me. Whenever I tried to push back, this person would argue back in a haughty manner and say that I was letting God down. I felt tremendously spiritually abused and drained every time we met up. I finally put my foot down and cut this person off after a year odd, and I feel much happier now. I applaud your bravery and firm stand, and I respect you for it. May God continue to use you mightily and may He bless you abundantly. May His Grace, Favor and Blessings fall plentifully upon you for today and for the many days to come. In Jesus’ most precious Name, amen. God bless you brother!
Thanks, Melissa.
I am so very proud of you my friend. You make me so happy. I have found this new love in my heart for the USA and for Trump and it makes my heart so glad that you love God and promote his man. I am so proud of you. Even if you loved Hillary I love you so much it would not have cost our friendship. I honour you as you honour God
Thanks, mate. I love you too.
Awesome, good for you, boundaries are the best! Also, I personally love your political posts. It’s funny, I thought I liked your blog before, now I absolutely love it, just can’t wait for every post. Your dreams about President Trump, your insights about things like what happened at UC Berkley with Milo, etc… Just love it all. Thanks for following God’s leading on this, as with everything! 🙂
Thanks, Hannah!
You have more wisdom then you know. I love everything you do and stand for. I pray for you and your family.
Wayne64
Thank you.