God the Divine Matchmaker

This is an excerpt from my book Wisdom for Marriage Made Simple.

Some people have a knack for choosing the right spouse. They know the qualities they want in a partner, they pick well, and they build a life that lasts. I’m not one of those people. If anything, I had the opposite talent. My track record made it painfully clear that my “picker” was broken. I went for women who were beautiful and charming, but I rarely looked under the hood. Compatibility issues were always there—I just ignored them, hoping they would go away. But they never did. Instead, those differences eventually became irreconcilable and ended the relationship.

Years ago, I found myself newly divorced, and I knew something had to change. I didn’t just need a fresh start; I needed a new approach. The first step was admitting that I wasn’t qualified to make this decision on my own. I’d been choosing based on my own preferences, and it hadn’t worked out. This time, I wanted God’s choice.

I joined an online dating platform, started browsing, and soon learned that finding my next wife this way would be a slow process. While sifting through hundreds of profiles, reading details, and looking at photos, I was quietly ticking boxes in my head. But I wasn’t seeing the qualities I was looking for—someone who believed the Bible, had emotional stability, and, if I were lucky, maybe even a good singing voice. For months, no one caught my eye.

Then I saw her—Denise.

Her profile stood out from the rest. It was detailed, thoughtful, and real. No vague clichés. No shallow self-promotion. Everything she had written checked the boxes I’d been praying about. I sent an inquiry, and she replied.

That’s when something happened that I hadn’t experienced before in the dating process. I distinctly remember the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart: Trust that she is the right woman. Commit yourself to her completely. Show no signs of indecision or doubt. I decided to heed the instruction, believing that I was hearing God correctly.

We exchanged several emails that first day—short, easy conversations that felt like they’d been waiting to happen. By my third email, I wrote something that was completely out of character for me: “We should skip the formalities and get married.” I wasn’t joking. And although I didn’t know it at the time, that statement touched something deep inside Denise’s heart.

You see, she had been single for six years after her second divorce. In that time, she’d met men who were happy to “date,” but none were willing to commit. Some had been wounded by women in their past, and they were afraid of a repeat. Others seemed interested, but they would vanish after a short while, only to pop back into her life months later with no good explanation. She wasn’t interested in playing games anymore. My premature proposal may have been unconventional, but it sent a clear message: I was serious.

We began what you might call a long-distance courtship—3,000 miles apart, dating by text, email, and phone calls. (This was before video chat, so we never saw each other’s faces in real time.) After three months, I flew to Pennsylvania to meet her in person. Denise introduced me to her family and co-workers, and after a short visit, I flew home to Washington state. By then, we knew we wanted to spend our lives together. We planned a beach wedding three months later, having met in person just once.

That might sound reckless to some people. But here’s the thing: when you know you can’t trust your own judgment, and you’ve placed the decision in God’s hands, you can have confidence that doesn’t come from yourself. This wasn’t blind faith—it was trust in the One who sees the end from the beginning.

This principle isn’t new. In Genesis 24, when Abraham’s servant went to find a wife for Isaac, Isaac abandoned the opportunity to make his own choice. He trusted that the servant, under God’s direction, would bring home the right woman. And when Rebekah arrived, Isaac didn’t hesitate—he committed to her. Scripture says, “So she became his wife, and he loved her” (Genesis 24:67). Notice the order: love followed commitment. Isaac understood that love is not merely an emotion you stumble into; it is a deliberate decision to give yourself fully to another person. That choice created the foundation for their marriage. And it worked out.

One of the little surprises of our marriage was discovering how our preferences lined up in unexpected ways. Denise doesn’t enjoy the pressure of planning meals and cooking every day, and I happen to love cooking. She never has to wonder what’s for dinner, and I get to relax in the kitchen, which is one of my favorite places to be. We’ve both learned that God’s matchmaking isn’t just about big-picture compatibility—it’s also about the little details that make life together more enjoyable.

There isn’t anything magical about online dating. Our success came when we let go of the need to control the process and allowed God to do what we couldn’t. Proverbs 3:5–6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” That’s precisely what happened.

If you’ve struggled to find the right person, or if you’re afraid of repeating the mistakes of your past, let our story encourage you. God knows how to bring two people together in a way that makes sense in His timing, even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else. He’s the One who can see beyond attraction, beyond finances, into the kind of compatibility that will stand the test of time.

You don’t have to rush the process. You don’t have to manipulate it. You can let go of fear and trust that the God who designed marriage knows exactly how to put yours together. We’re living proof that when you let Him be the matchmaker, you get more than a spouse—you get a partner ideally suited for your life, your calling, and your future.

Check out our latest book, Wisdom for Marriage Made Simple.