Jesus Heals and Integrates an Alter
This is a testimony of the emotional healing of a friend who contacted me on Telegram.
I have a childhood of sexual abuse and an emotionless home. During a move of the Spirit in the 90’s I was delivered and had much inner healing. But as the years went on I fell in and out of depression and despair, out of church, drifting. Starting in 2013, I had a cluster of traumas and grief in which my entire childhood family died and my house burnt down. Everything I had saved of my family history was vaporized in this fire. Another year living in my parent’s house while recovering from chronic fatigue, then 6 months in a camper in the backyard without water while the house was finished.
I stopped being able to think, to process, to feel, and my memory deteriorated. I lost all emotions, gifting, music, love for my animals. It was a reduction of life to slogging thru the days and trying to stay awake. I went thru a couple of shrinks, tried anti-depressants, nothing helped.
Then PM recommended Greg Harvey, and from there Lisa Perna. I decided to pray in tongues every day and walk out back to spend time in the trees. I cut out all news and listened to the spoken word of God. I felt life coming back and asked God for my memory back. The Holy Spirit started dropping old praise songs into my head from when I was first saved. I sang them all day. I had many experiences with God building me up through Lisa’s prayer broadcast. I had some deliverance, some healing, and then I hit a wall. I felt like my tongue was tied and I couldn’t get anything out into words or writing. I got these horrible negative thoughts that I was a fraud as a Christian and decided to set up a little prayer closet and step things up.
Every day I went and worshipped and read the word and found that I was reading Psalm 139 and the song of Mary from Luke. I couldn’t get away from them. These are both prenatal themes. PM had mentioned alters, and I knew I had fragments of myself that were not functioning. It was obvious. My heart was as cold as a stone, and I even told my daughter I felt like a sociopath because I could not access any emotions. I wondered if this part of me was holding something for me and staying away.
I prayed a confession to the Lord and said, I will NOT be traumatized anymore by anything. You are with me, and I don’t care what man can do. You love me, and that’s what I will need from now on, your love, and your comfort, and I will not seek it elsewhere, I will go to you and trust you. There is no trauma in the presence of God. I asked for prayer on PM’s telegram for my fragmented part, and he asked me “Does the fragment know Jesus?”
If there is a part of me that takes over when I fall apart, this strong, emotionless robot, well, I need to introduce her to Jesus. The strong pull of the prenatal scriptures seemed to indicate a very very early piece of myself, perhaps without language. So I set out to nurture this part, as if I was lovingly parenting a small hurting child. I put beautiful sparkly lights in my prayer space, and a stuffed animal hugging its child. I repeated psalm 139 and asked the Holy Spirit to comfort me. To bring that part back in, so she can be with me always and not have to hold on to pain and dread anymore, but meet Jesus and give it to him, per PM’s little booklet. I told my hurt alter child “You are loved, you are by design, nothing missing, nothing broken, nothing lacking. I covered you in your Mother’s womb. I was there, with my hand upon you. I wrote your whole life with intention before you were formed. You are intentional. You are just what I want you to be. Give all the hurts to me. I already took them for you on the cross, stop holding them. I did it for you so you could receive my love. I had seen and heard this before, but it wasn’t for me. Here, I was speaking it over me. This is for me. I am coming out of agreement with lies and trusting and believing God’s loving word.
That day I began to see new things, and I asked God for “fluent elocution” in the place of despair. I felt his presence and got a scripture dropped into my mind. When I spoke the scripture, it came out of my mouth backwards. This happens to me when my brain isn’t processing right. (When non-language alter is at the helm perhaps) The word was “perfect love casts out fear” but it came out “Perfect fear casts out love”. I was moved with compassion. The word is true backwards and forwards. I said, yes, if you hold onto fear, you will not feel love. So give him the fear, and take the love. I repeated it the right way, over and over and my left brain started tingling and got very warm and felt wonderful. As long as it tingled, I kept repeating it.
This is what I will believe from now on, and I will not believe lies about my Lord anymore. I walked out of that prayer closet and floated thru the day. The presence of God bent me like a reed in the wind. His peace was strong. I had a couple of mini visions. I had some prophetic stuff that I haven’t had in years. The next night I had a rough time sleeping.
At 3 am a horrible thought hit my mind. God hasn’t healed you, you are deluded. You are just deceiving yourself into thinking you will ever get better. You are just as mentally screwed now as you always have been. There is no hope for you. And, speaking in tongues is worthless and you should stop.
I lay there as if paralyzed, with no words, no counter, no idea what to do. I tossed and turned fitfully. When I got up, I felt like I had just had my life-demon take a stab at my newly integrated fragment. So, I played the opposite game and decreed God’s promises again, and prayed in tongues for a very long time. I worshipped and thanked Jesus for setting me free and placed all the lies I had heard at his feet and reaffirmed that I refused to believe lies about him or myself anymore.
Writing this is a miracle for me, and not a small one. I have not written a coherent thing in several years. I continued seeing new blips of visions and walking in love and faith. I am not flopping around in defeat, I am a beloved child who had God’s hand on me, and God’s purposes in my future. I will defeat all of my enemies with the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony. The gates of hell will not prevail against me.
There was a part of me that did not believe this, a small hidden part. A voice that said, victory is for others, but not for me. This part met Jesus, and he healed me. Without compassion, there is no healing. I am on a journey to a heart of compassion. I will not be comforted by anything else. I seek a heart of flesh, that feels. Nothing else can satisfy me.
Once I remembered the stories of what I was like as a kid. My parents always talked about how strong-willed and hard-headed I was, how I would fight tooth and nail when I wanted something and not let go until I prevailed. I asked myself and the Lord, what happened to that part of me? When did I stop trying to dream? If it wasn’t for my awesome husband I don’t know what would have happened to me. I was so beat down I could barely get through the day.
Please remember this: I have had years of pro counseling and meds. These things made me even more numb. Shutting out the distractions and lies and being intentional with pursuing God’s heart with honesty and repentance is healing me, along with help and love from my hubby, and these sweet frens online.
More information on healing Fragments and Alters
I can not stop crying. This testimony as touched me deeply. Thank you. God bless.
Me too. I want to be healed too.
Hi Judy. I just realized today that there were comments on this page. Sorry I am so late to respond to your sweet words. I pray that the Holy Spirit will keep on guiding you to the life giving waters, he is always speaking, but sometimes I need to ream out my ears from being full of blah blah words. God values you and has a place in his heart of love to nurture and lead you. Love, Jenny
This is a strong testimony! I can relate to hearing the negative voice that tries to cut down my confidence. The more time I spend focused on Jesus the more I believe that he loves me greatly and created me exactly to his specifications for His purpose. My joy and comfort is with God. His timing is also perfect. We only need faith!
I agree with her here. Shut off all news and focus on the spiritual. Read the Bible and allow our Lord to give us real thoughts. One of my favorite thoughts came forward for me one day when lost in negative thoughts. Jesus in the desert said “Be Gone Satan”. I said that and all the negative thoughts left me. I use it as needed.” Praise Jesus and praise the Lord our God, Master of the Universe, who’s power and might fill our life experience with blessings”.
Beautiful testimony, so glad you shared. God bless you!
This is just outstanding. Thank you, Jenny, for sharing!
Like Jenny, I have been (and am still being) healed, in my case, from CEN: Childhood Emotional Neglect. God has been utterly faithful, as He works – initially, it was in the emotional realm, & He brought healing thru marvelous books, for example, Running On Empty by Jonice Webb. Now He’s healing me in the physical, and enabling me to have true rest. I do not believe we can ‘rest in Him’ unless we’ve been enabled to rest physically.
All His devotion to me and my healing came as I’ve submitted – which is a process. You submit/surrender inch by inch, and that enlarges as you realize He is so graceful and can be trusted. My gratitude and thankfulness to Father is wider that the horizon, as He brings me back to His fullness.
By sharing your God given testimony
& the steps God has orchestrated before you, in your day by day walk with Him,
You are indeed, living within the purpose God has planned for you Jeremiah 29:11
I have memorized & repeatedly quote
II Chronicles 4 when thoughts enter my mind that are not of God I Take every thought captive to the obedience of God, commanding ?atan to Get Out!
I say it as many times as needed & everytime it is thrown into my thought process. I tell ?atan that I AM A CHILD OF GOD, HE RULES OVER ME & he does not! It is a daily walk relationship with Jesus and HE is teaching people how to keep from falling into the liar’s, the thief’s, the destroyer’s traps by the precious blood of Jesus!
He raises us up to HIMSELF as we surrender the baggage ? of garbage we have carried, believing we had to carry them. When we lay them at the feet of Jesus, & let go, it is like being born again, again! Never take them back, NEVER!
Thank You for being a spokeswoman prayer Warrior for God & Soldier in the LORD’S Army, distributing TRUTH & RIGHTEOUSNESS to hurting people who need HOPE! We share our testimonies because GOD gave them to us so others can find hope in HIM too!
Wonderful testimony. It brings to light 2 significant things: 1) we are wonder-fully made and exquisitely unique; body, soul and spirit. 2) “the accuser” never fights fair, looks carefully for any weakness to exploit and when we are down, relentlessly kicks us. As such, the individual’s resolution is unique to them and thus requires consulting with the one who made us, Jesus. Everything outside of Him IS insanity in this world. The more ‘broken’ we are, the closer our walk with Him. This is the point of being a Christian. “Those who are forgiven much, Love much.”
My own case is tangentially similar to Jenny in spots. A recent revelation happened when listening to Christa Elisha on Elijah Streams 1/19. She spoke about abortion. I have always had a heart for/been drawn to the abortion issue. My life has nothing to do with abortion, yet her story and prophetic word(s) really touched me.
At one point in her presentation a thought rose up in me, ‘it’s better to have been aborted and end up in the arms of Jesus than to have been born, growing up unwanted’. This was my own heart cry. I then recalled a ‘blerb’ from Derek Prince in a Deliverance teaching video. He mentioned that it occurred to him that there was a common issue among women born during the ‘Great Depression’. Parents dreading yet another mouth to feed, led to mother’s unwittingly cursing the child in their womb. Many of these grew up feeling rejection and manifesting all sorts of related oppressions. Spiritual abortion? I now realize this was my own situation. (I won’t expound.) I believe that understanding ourselves and hence, ‘healing’, is a life-long process, as is SANCTIFICATION. We’ll never be perfect this side of eternity.
Beautiful. While dealing with my own (physical) healing recently someone told me to rest and accept a slow healing process but God said “The Kingdom of heaven is taken by force”, not physical force but spiritual force. When an illness comes I say to it “I am a son of the king of the universe, YOU HAVE NO PLACE HERE” and it leaves. It’s been so long since I’ve been truly ill that I can’t really remember what ‘sick’ feels like. That’s what you did when the enemy attacked, that spiritual energy springing out, I. WILL. NOT. CONCEDE. Delightful surrender and rest comes afterward. May God continue to bless you all the days of your life.
The testimonies are so inspiring. It makes me wish I could be stronger like others. I thought I was a strong person. I still do, sometimes I wonder why I was put here. I guess I signed up for this. I don’t know how to feel after breaking my wrist a couple days ago. Did Satan attack me? Is God testing my love? I whispered under my breath for some reason ” please don’t let me slip or fall.” That’s exactly what happened on my ice driveway. By myself in the dark. No one but me and God as I lay there in excruciating pain. But I still praise Him for protecting me. I know it could have been worse. It’s hard to know why things seem to be happening to me like this.
A beautifully written account of something inspirational!
Thank you for sharing!